Obituary of Mrs. Agnes Mon Jin Yu 余陳滿珍夫人
Agnes Yu, age 66, passed away on August 12, 2021 following a fourteen year, courageous battle with cancer. As with everything in her life, she kept fighting and stayed strong until the end.
A modern day renaissance woman, Agnes played many roles, including, but not limited to: dedicated teacher, worldly traveler, fantastic chef, and life-long learner. However, she will be most remembered for the defining roles that brought her the most joy and fulfilment in her life; as a proud and loving wife, mother, and grandmother to her family.
Agnes is survived by her husband, John; three sons, Anthony, Leonard, and Conrad; daughter-in-law, Danielle; and two grandchildren, Sophia and Marcus.
We will always carry your memory, your spirit, and your love in our hearts.
In lieu of flowers, please make a donation to any one of the following charities to honour her memory - United Way Greater Toronto, ShareLife, North York General Foundation, Sunnybrook Foundation, Diabetes Canada, or Canadian Blood Services.
Eulogy by Constance Lam, Sunday August 16, 2021
No amount of “tribute” can really do justice to such an exceptional human being as Agnes. That is why, when I was offered the honour of writing a eulogy for her, I doubted if I was capable. I do not like clichés – the kind you read in the newspapers whenever someone passed, such as “He was the best father” or “She was a best friend”. We do not all of a sudden become “the best” through the simple act of dying.
I do know, though, that if being a Christian means you care, you love, you give and you forgive, then Agnes is a devoted Christian. If being a good mother means you have the interest and well-being of your children at heart at all times, then Agnes is a great mother. And if being a true friend means she would do all she could to make your life easier, then she is a true friend (choice of Present Tense deliberate).
Our paths crossed in the 80’s when we worked together at HK Methodist Wesley College, where her work ethic did not go unnoticed shortly after her arrival. We used to compete over who would leave the office at a later hour, or who could endure more gruelling hours marking students’ “essays” – difficult to assign an appropriate term to that kind of writing - with about 90 mistakes on every page (on average 5 each line, 18 lines, double-spaced). Even at a very early stage of our friendship, we learned to laugh at each other’s misfortunes.
Reunited in Toronto in 1989, she helped me transition into life in Canada. (For the record, she cooked meals for our entire family, 7 days in a row, when we first arrived). We saw each other’s boys grow up. We did a bit of growing up ourselves, too, through blood, sweat and tears, both literally and figuratively. We were constantly trying to “educate” each other. I would educate her to abandon stale moralizations such as “Everything happens for a reason” while she would educate me through her daily, stoic example. One of her most memorable lessons for me would be “If you are in pain, you are in pain – no amount of philosophizing will take that away.”
Her long battle with cancer, 14 years to be exact, did not crumble her spirit. With the steely resolve of Sisyphus, she continued rolling the rock uphill even if it kept coming down. When I asked her why she would continue supply-teaching in her state of exhaustion, her reply, to quote her exact words, was: “I come alive in the classroom”. She loved her job. She loved her students. She loved being with them. We both saw the role of a teacher as a very important part of our identity.
Even in the midst of her own physical and mental anguish, Agnes would reach out to alleviate others’. I once introduced her to a friend of mine who was also fighting cancer. Agnes would bring her soup after her own school day was over, visit the herbalist doctor with her to do Mandarin interpreting, and even offer to accompany her on the flight back to HK. All this for a perfect stranger. Even when she was dying, she would ask me about my health issues. Perceiving that the end was near, she texted me a few weeks ago to say she wanted me to be happy.
Though she was one of a kind as an educator and a friend, her family was always her top priority. Nothing was more important to her. She gave them her all. In the past couple of years, she expressed her wish to “stay alive”, in her words. I believe she did that for her boys. Why else would anyone subject herself to such devastating effects of chemotherapy and all the other invasive treatments if not for those closest to her heart?
I believe in Heaven. I believe Agnes is smiling down on her husband and her boys. I believe she wants her boys to be healthy, productive, kind, generous, and compassionate.
Blessed are the meek:
for they shall inherit the earth.
Matthew 5:5
